.

PRO ETIQUETTE

HEAR YE ... HEAR YE ...

PLEASE HEAR ALL IN JEST

TOO LIGHTEN' UP YER HEART

FOR THEE KNOWS THEE THE BEST

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT FOR THE BAND

MUSICAL OFFENSES / $ FINES $

NAME OF OFFENDER - __________________________
INFRACTION DATE - ___________

ALL OF US
Playing loudly during warm up $10
Sound-checking amp with Funk slapping $25
Loud cursing after mistake $10
Playing high and fast after mistake $20
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
Asking for "E" tuning note $25
Playing "E" anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
Playing written-out walking line $50
Failure to play written walking line $75
Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
Playing eighth notes $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
Dragging fast tempo $75
Dragging ballad tempo $100
Blacking out during ballad $200
Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
Following drummer's tempo $250
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

BASIC BUSINESS STUPIDITY
Showing up just before first downbeat $25
Faking changes $25
Slapping $150
Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
Excessive sweating $25
Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
Asking leader for a solo $30
Accepting solo when offered $50
Taking second chorus $100
Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500
Checking hair between tunes $15
Experimenting with odd meters $25
Missing downbeat root at end of blistering fill $25

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS
Forgetting strap $10
Changing strings after every set $15
Setting up mic "just in case" $75
Forgetting to turn amp on $40
Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
Skull decals on instrument $150

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
Asking bone player about their day gig $10
Sitting behind drums on break $10
Quoting "Birdland" $25
Practicing scales during break $25
Practicing scales during drum solo $50
Practicing $150
Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director that you are "into sequencing" $100

Singer / Vocalist Infractions
Doesn't know keys to songs, $10
Doesn't know when to come in, $15
Leaves stage when not singing lead vocal, $20
Late for gig, $30
Walks off stage to use cellphone on gig, $15
Won't use cellphone as prop during gig, $30
Modulates without informing band, $20
Points mic towards monitor causing feedback during song, $75
Doesn't have set list, $10
Doesn't have keys on set list, $15
Doesn't have original songs charted, $20
Takes up to over one hour getting EQ setting on monitors, still not happy, $75
Gets off key singing acapella, $25
Argues with band members onstage, $150
Drops mic, $10
Stands onstage but doesn't sing harmonies, $30
Plays tambourine out of time, $50
Gripes at band onstage, $20
Gripes at band onstage over mic, $75
Stops song halfway through and starts over, $25
Continues singing in old key after song modulates, $30
Holds words to song while singing onstage, $20
Telling bad joke and then laughing hysterically about it over mic, $500
Dumps management, band etc. after making the big time, $10,000 :)

"All we are saying ... is give peace a chance ... "

.